Justice11's profile on MDS
Just keep checking this page as Justice11 updates her diary post
Entry #1
Bombshell!! Exerts from Jodi's diary are being leaked from prison!!!
Here is the first:
February 4, 2013
Dear Diary,
I've got such good news to report. I was FINALLY able to take the stand today. I've been dying, um, I mean, eager to get my say.
Kurt asked me if I, um, killed Travis and then asked me why. I was glad to get that out of the way. Whew! Now, um, I can finally talk about me!!! This trial is all about ME after all, why are we wasting so much time talking about Travis?
It was so much fun to go down memory lane. Oh the crayons and art work that I produced as a child. I was so talented, even back then. My stupid parents couldn't see that. Well, I showed them. You should have seen my mom's face when I told the jury she and my dad spanked me with a wooden spoon. I knew I'd get even someday. I remember fantasizing about killing them in their sleep. This is almost as good. Almost.
The jury just loves me. I mean, um, how can they not? When Jennifer brought in the brush and fixed my hair in a cute ponytail on the side, I just knew everyone would think I was so, um, sweet and harmless. Jennifer said it was the computer guy's idea. He is an expert in hair, ya know.
Kurt and Jennifer didn't have to give me so much advice about appealing to the jury. Um, duh! I'm the expert on manipulating people. I could teach them a thing or two. You should have seen me choke up when I, um, talked about spankings. And I smiled oh so sweetly at them. They are eating it up. What a bunch of suckers.
Well, it's time for group shower! Yay! Everyone gets to see my beautiful body. I am glad I'm not FAT, like my mom!
Till next time,
Jodi
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Wow...more diary entries leaked!!!!!!
Entry #2
Feb 5th (morning)
Dear Diary,
I have so much to tell you, I just couldn't wait until later. Got to talk on the stand again today....all about ME! I am really, um, starting to love this trial. At first it was boring, but now it is really fun!
I got to tell everyone how Matt was into witchcraft. It was so cool. I was dating a real live wizard! He became a wizard after finding out that all the, um, Native Americans are in hell. But, like all the other loves of my life he did not want to marry me and eventually cheated on me. I found out by snooping on his computer. Why do men think they can get away with stuff when they put it on their computer for me to see? It was great when I was able to bust him. I just loved his gay friend who told me he was cheating. Like ALL gays he was really, um, how do I say this: flamboyant and liked to exaggerate. And his voice was so funny sounding. It was great to make fun of him today. Nurmi actually asked me if I cried. He knows I never really cry.
After that Matt and I lived in a tent. We had what I would call "blurred boundaries." Oh, why am I lying to you Diary? I can tell you the truth. Blurred boundaries=buttsecks!
When I met Daryl he was so successful. Just like what every father, um, I mean boyfriend should be. Soon he was demoted twice and became a server just like me. Oh well. At least he let me buy a house with him. I say "we" but we all know it was really him who bought the house. I stayed in the master bedroom of course. I couldn't let him stay in the room with me. In addition to his smokey smell, he had that old man smell. I just could not stand that. I will tolerate a lot of things, and I mean a lot. But ODOR is not one of them. Smokers are worse than the devil.
Daddy, um, I mean, Daryl and I had a great relationship. Except for his, um, alcoholism and smoking. And his old man smell. His son is just like my little brother. Well, I gotta run. Time for me to eat my peanut butter sandwich.
Till next time,
Jodi
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Entry #3
February 5th, afternoon
Dear Diary,
Whew...I'm feeling a little steamy right now. So much fun talking about all my, um, sexual adventures to such a big audience. I just know everyone thinks I am so desirable. The court room was in awe of me. I am quite a hotti biscotti!
I just hope I said enough today. I felt like I was holding back so much. I had so many more details to give. Nurmi said I was giving too many, um, details, as if there is such a thing! Can't he see how I am captivating the jury. They are so in tuned to me. It is like I have them in a trance.
I cannot wait to testify again tomorrow. More sexy testifying. I call that sextifying! Nurmi kept asking me how I felt about the, um, oral sex. He was pretty turned on, that much was obvious! Notice he did not mind me going into "detail" anymore.
Martinez keeps giving me dirty looks. But no worries. I will seduce him with my sextifying just the same as I have with every one else. Who can resist me? No one. Absolutely no one. I won't let them.
Only bad thing about testifying today is now I crave Applebee's and Starbucks. Did I mention how much I, um, LOVE Applebee's and Starbucks? I wonder if they are looking for a spokesperson. I should have Jennifer and Nurmi give them a call for me. Just think about all the free advertising I gave them today. They owe me big time. This is the best sort of exposure they could get. I am a giver, what can I say. But, I guess we already established that, didn't we?
Until next time,
Jodi
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Entry #4
February 6, 2013
Dear Diary,
Today was another great day!! I got to talk more about my two favorite subjects. Me and sex! I admit I did get a bit confused at times today. Nurmi coached me really well, but I still got a bit mixed up. He told me all the things that I was supposed to say I felt, like "used" and "disappointed", but I just couldn't remember. Once I remembered how I was supposed to feel it was much better. I totally nailed it! The jury is so enthralled with me. I am using mental telepathy on them. And it is working!
Oh, I made another slip today. Jennifer was VERY clear that I was to pretend to cry anytime I saw Travis' sisters crying. Well, they got all upset over the pics of Travis' penis, so I instantly started fake crying. It was a little awkward, because there was obviously no reason for me to cry at all. Oopsie! So, I just instantly stopped. Then I used mental telepathy on the jurors to get them to forget. I just love controlling people!
I was able to recount a really funny story about Travis' dog Napoleon. I remember it like it was yesterday. Napoleon was really mean to me. He kept trying to get Travis' attention. Well, when Travis wasn't looking I pushed Napoleon into the pool. He almost drowned. It was so funny. But then Travis had to play the hero and save him. Made me so jealous. I cried in my bathroom for two hours. I told Travis I was pooping so he wouldn't get suspicious.
That story reminds me of another time when we were at the Sizzler. The waitress kept asking Travis questions and talking to him. I was so upset I went into the bathroom for about an hour. I cried and cried. You should have seen my face when I came out. Dry crying is excruciating! (Almost as bad as dry humping.) But, it is not my fault that my body doesn't produce tears, or moisture of any kind. Thank goodness I carry KY Jelly with me at all times. I was able to apply a little to my face and it looked exactly like tears.
Well, they are saying it is time to go back to the jail. It is a long weekend for me. I absolutely cannot wait until Monday.
Till next time,
Jodi
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Entry #5
February 11, 2013
Dear Diary,
I have the best news to share today. My artwork is selling like hotcakes on ebay. When I get out of this jail I am, um, going to open up my own gallery. I always knew I would be famous. I am working on a very special project right now. It is called "Used Pieces of Toilet Paper." I am saving my used toilet paper and making a collage. It will probably sell for a million dollars. That is just how popular I am. My cell mate is complaining about the, um, odor. I taught her a lesson. I told everyone that she confided in me that she is a child molester. It was so much fun making up the stories about her. I am such a good story teller. Did I mention I have also decided that I want to be a writer? I got the idea when I was sextifying on the stand. My stories are so detailed and filled with so much, um, passion. I can tell everyone believes every word I say. That is how I know I will be a successful fiction author.
Speaking of sextifying...today was another hot and, um, steamy day! I almost blushed when Nurmi asked me where I had sex. I told him a few of the places, like in my car, in parking lots, in motels, in houses, and on porches. The question really got me thinking. So, I decided to make a list of all the places I've had sex: my grandparent's bed, The Sizzler, playgrounds, Walmart, garages, truck stop bathrooms, Starbucks, tents, trailers, Applebee's, barns, RVs, churches, post offices, Taco Bell bathrooms, parking garages, car dealerships, golf courses...the list goes on and on. Oh, and jail of course! Duh, how could I forget that?
But, I didn't get a chance to tell him, um, all the places because the perv wanted all the details about the sex on the porch. That was a sexy story! Okay, so it didn't happen, um, exactly the way I said. Basically, there was no sex on the porch with Travis. I made that all up. But, I made it seem like a true story by throwing in the reference to the Toblerone chocolates. It's the details in the story that convince everyone I am telling the truth. Even when I'm lying. That is why I always have lots of details. I am so going to be on the New York Time's best seller list someday soon.
Well, I'm going to work on my stories for tomorrow. I don't want to let anyone down. I know they just can't wait to hear more from me!
Till next time,
Jodi
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Entry #6
February 12, 2013
Dear Diary,
Whew. Today was an emotional roller coaster. It started off wonderfully. I always look forward to talking about myself. Nurmi told me we were finally, um, going to play the sex tape I made right before I murdered Travis. Here is where things went wrong. I wanted them to ONLY play the parts that make Travis look bad. But the stupid judge said that we had to play the whole tape. What a disaster. I cried and cried when I heard that. And, as I've said before, dry crying is really painful.
So, there we are in court and the tape starts playing. All my fears went away. I sounded so sexy on that tape. I could tell everyone in the jury was really turned on. Even I got turned on. I think even my family was impressed! Who cares what was said? All that matters is that I sounded awesome. And, I completely forgot about the part where I sing on the tape. That was just beautiful. In addition to being an artist, a photographer, and an author, I really want to be a famous singer. I already won the jailhouse American Idol contest. That alone proves that I have real talent!
Nurmi asked if I was really having an orgasm. How dumb is he? Everyone knows it takes BOTH hands to masturbate...at least it does when you are involving your, um, booty hole. And that is what I like best!
Jennifer told me something really funny today. There are people out there who actually still believe that I am innocent. Even after I confessed to it. How wonderful is that? I never knew there were so many dumb people in this world. If they believe I am innocent, even after all the information they have, the jury will just have to find me innocent. I will be out of jail in no time. I cannot wait to start dating again. I like jail sex a lot, but the scenery is getting old. I need new horizons.
Two things I really miss being locked up. Bubble baths and KY Jelly. I just cannot talk about KY Jelly enough. It is good for all kinds of sex. It is just good for you period. I even use it as a condiment, sort of like ketchup. I think I will write a cookbook for KY Jelly.
I am not really looking forward to tomorrow. I have a feeling it will be Travis this, and Travis that. Blah, blah, blah. Maybe I will say I have a tummy ache. Then I will be able to skip court all together. Hmmm, I better head off to the infirmary. See what I can pull off!
Till next time,
Jodi
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Entry #7
February 13, 2013
Dear Diary,
Well, today's testimony left me a little "unsettled." I accidentally got lost a few times while Nurmi was asking me questions. There is just so much that I want to say. I really hope we get to talk about everything we have already discussed again tomorrow. I feel it is important for the jury to be able to memorize every facet of my life. After all, this trial is all about me. I am just so glad that Nurmi understands that.
I will admit that I peed in my pants a little today. At first I thought it was just KY Jelly leakage (if I had a dollar every time that happened!) But then I realized what happened. It was because Martinez started asking me about my lies, I mean my testimony. How dare he! Nurmi and I already agreed that if we use up enough time Martinez might die before he gets a chance to cross examine me. He is so old. Almost as old as Daryl. If only I could, um, speed up the process.
I was so glad I was able to tell the jury again how monogamous I am. Sure, I was trying to hook up with Abe, John, Steve, and Ryan (just to name a few.) But, I didn't want a "relationship" with them. I just wanted buttsecks.
Why can't everyone see that this was just a time in my life when I was not making good choices for myself? Killing Travis was just another one of those bad choices. Everyone makes bad choices sometimes. We should just move on. I know I have.
In closing I want to share a poem I wrote today.
What wonderith do I see,
when I looketh towards the gallery.
First my eyes lighteth upon,
a mean old man named Juan.
He maketh me want to lear,
he instilleth in me a great fear.
Fortune is mine when I next see,
A man of vastness, who protecteth me.
My family is there, offering support,
I wish it were they, on trial in this court.
Beyond all the people is a door,
that leads to freedom and more.
Soon that freedom shall belongeth to me,
When my innocence everyone shall see.
Till next time,
Jodi
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Entry #9
February 19, 2013
Dear Diary,
Finally we were back in court today. I really missed all the attention. At the jail I make the other girls pay attention to me, but alas, there are no cameras there, so it just isn't the same. Luckily, I was able to steer clear of most of the Travis talk and keep the focus on me, where it belongs. I am able to show a lot of equanimity while discussing the events leading up to how it all ended on that nearly catastrophic day. It it easy to do this because, let's be honest, it really doesn't upset me that much. This entire thing is Travis' fault to begin with. He is the one who made me drive there and kill him.
I came up with this great idea. I am going to pretend that I am not able to
remember everything that happened. I have successfully indicated that I sometimes
fall into a "fog like" state of being. Everyone needs to remember
that I am the victim here. I am the one who is loosing sleep. Everyone knows
that sleep deprivation causes memory loss.
Nurmi made me so mad today. He displayed that awful picture of my booty
hole again. That is my least favorite butt hole picture. I told him that I have
many, many more he could use, but he insists on using that one. I even
volunteered some of my recent artwork portraying my butt hole, but again, Nurmi
said no. That man really exasperates me. I should have stuck with representing
myself.
Speaking of idiot attorneys, I can tell Martinez is really starting to fear
me. Sometimes I use my good eye to stare him down with a death glare. No one
notices it because my other eye is looking somewhere else altogether. But,
Martinez knows I'm looking at him. And HE is the one who is starting to shake
with fear like a Chihuahua.
I better get going. I have a lot to try to forget before I am asked about
it tomorrow on the stand.
Till next time,
Jodi
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Entry #10
February 20, 2013
Dear Diary,
Sorry I am writing this to you so late tonight. I have been busy with a few of my ghost friends. My ghosts come to visit me when I am by myself and things are really quiet. Johnny Cochran has been giving me really good legal advice. I listen to him more than I do to Nurmi. That is why I completely ignored most of what Nurmi wanted me to say today. I mean, seriously! He wanted me to say that I was sorry for killing Travis! Well, I absolutely refuse to feel bad for Travis being dead. He practically killed himself. Travis had a chance to make the right decision. I gave him plenty of opportunities. It was his choices that wound him up butchered. Not mine!
I have been thinking a lot about love lately. I'll admit that I don't understand the concept very well. I have heard people say that love means never having to say you are sorry, right? So why should I have to say "I am sorry" for what Travis made me do to him? If anyone deserves an apology, it is ME. Look at what Travis is putting ME through. It is MY life that is practically over. It is MY life that is on the line...not his. Travis gets to be in a much better place...where do I get to be? In jail. It is completely unfair! I have tried to love Travis enough to forgive him for what he has done to me, I really have. But, it is just too difficult. Maybe someday I will be able to...but I seriously doubt it.
It was so awful when I had to talk about how I almost died when I almost tried to commit suicide. That paper cut nick from the razor was the MOST pain I have ever felt in my WHOLE life. And for the next two days, anytime I bent my finger, I could feel the searing pain again. I hope I never have to feel that kind of pain again. It is just too much to bear. Talking about it today in court almost made me feel like I could cry. How can anyone even focus on Travis when they see the kind of pain I have been through?
Well, I better go. I am conducting a group seance tonight and I don't want to keep the spirits waiting.
Till next time,
Jodi
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Entry #10
February 20, 2013
Dear Diary,
Sorry I am writing this to you so late tonight. I have been busy with a few of my ghost friends. My ghosts come to visit me when I am by myself and things are really quiet. Johnny Cochran has been giving me really good legal advice. I listen to him more than I do to Nurmi. That is why I completely ignored most of what Nurmi wanted me to say today. I mean, seriously! He wanted me to say that I was sorry for killing Travis! Well, I absolutely refuse to feel bad for Travis being dead. He practically killed himself. Travis had a chance to make the right decision. I gave him plenty of opportunities. It was his choices that wound him up butchered. Not mine!
I have been thinking a lot about love lately. I'll admit that I don't understand the concept very well. I have heard people say that love means never having to say you are sorry, right? So why should I have to say "I am sorry" for what Travis made me do to him? If anyone deserves an apology, it is ME. Look at what Travis is putting ME through. It is MY life that is practically over. It is MY life that is on the line...not his. Travis gets to be in a much better place...where do I get to be? In jail. It is completely unfair! I have tried to love Travis enough to forgive him for what he has done to me, I really have. But, it is just too difficult. Maybe someday I will be able to...but I seriously doubt it.
It was so awful when I had to talk about how I almost died when I almost tried to commit suicide. That paper cut nick from the razor was the MOST pain I have ever felt in my WHOLE life. And for the next two days, anytime I bent my finger, I could feel the searing pain again. I hope I never have to feel that kind of pain again. It is just too much to bear. Talking about it today in court almost made me feel like I could cry. How can anyone even focus on Travis when they see the kind of pain I have been through?
Well, I better go. I am conducting a group seance tonight and I don't want to keep the spirits waiting.
Till next time,
Jodi
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Entry #11
February 21, 2013
Dear Diary,
Wow. Just WOW. I cannot even believe how awesome I was in court today. I had Martinez on the run. You should have seen me. I could tell the jurors were really impressed with how witty and clever I was. I could not keep a smirk off of my face. I may not be a lawyer, but I know the law. And I know that when you break a law you do everything you can to keep from getting punished for it. Especially, um, lying. I am an expert at that. Martinez was so confused by me today. I was able keep the questions going round and round. The smirking was my way of letting the jury know just who was in charge.
I have to say, the lessons Gus gave me are really paying off. He told me just how to handle Martinez. Or as Gus likes to call him, Fartinez. Isn't Gus just hilarious?!? I cannot get over how smart he is. He is an inventor you know. No wonder he can invent these amazingly clever words too. Maybe I will call Martinez "Fartinez" in court. I will have the jury laughing their heads off. Heads off. There is a funny, um, turn of phrase! lol I will admit that I do not look forward to, um, paying Gus for his expert advice. Let's just say that it involves more than a little KY Jelly and quite a few Toblerones.
Speaking of KY Jelly, they have not responded to my request to be a spokesperson for them. This is something they are going to really regret. I will not be ignored. I am going to start a class action lawsuit against them. I am going to claim that the overuse and consumption of KY Jelly has caused me severe selective memory problems. Then I will contact the ADA. I plan on getting a special card describing my specific memory disability. The next time Martinez asks me a question I don't want to answer, I will just hand him the card.
I was a little bummed that Flores figured out my super secret code messages in the magazine. I bet he had to have the FBI help him with that. I am working on a new secret code in case these diary entries ever get leaked out. I-a think-a that-a my-a new-a code-a will-a never-a, ever-a, be-a able-a to-a be-a cracked-a. ha ha ha Good luck deciphering that code!
Well, as always, my date card is overflowing. I am the most popular girl here. Obviously. I have found amazing and creative ways to use the items we get from commissary to fulfill all my sexual fantasy needs. Who knew nose drops, denture adhesive, and hemorrhoid cream could be so sexy and fun! Not to mention the old standbys like meat sticks and chap stick. Tonight I am going to mix things up a bit with the ben gay cream and bbq corn nuts. Things are about to get hot in here!!
Till next time,
Jodi
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Entry #12
February 25, 2013
Dear Diary,
I've started making my list of what I want to do as soon as I am acquitted of these bogus "murder" charges. The top of my list is getting my own reality t.v. show. I am having some trouble coming up with a name for my show. I am leaning towards "Smile and Say Cheese!" One of my fellow inmates had the nerve to suggest I name my reality t.v. show "The Biggest Liar" or "The Real Sociopaths of Yreka"...let's just say she better, um, sleep with one eye open. I've got a full bottle of Advil and a disposable razor with her name written all over it.
Martinez must think I am a medical doctor. How in the world am I expected to know when someone is dead? Obviously, the evidence proves that I am not good at judging that. Otherwise I would not have had to stab Travis 27 times, slice his throat, and shoot him in the face. I HAD to do all of this to make sure he was dead. What did he expect me to do? Check for a pulse? Ain't nobody got time for that!
Ryan Burns is full of crap! How dare he say that he touched my vaginal area. My vaginal area may have straddled his chest, but he did not touch it with his hands at all. I tried to get him to, I even adjusted him so that my vaginal area was right where I needed it to be. But the man was a complete amateur. He could not handle my vaginal area!! How dare he lie on the stand about it. This is MY trial. I am the only one allowed to lie. He can go and have his own trial if he wants to lie.
Today when I was on the stand Nurmi whispered a great tip in my ear. He said that if Martinez upsets me, I should picture him in spider man underwear. It was a good idea, but it just didn't calm me down enough. So, I tried picturing Martinez in spiderman underwear...while also lying in a pool of blood. Wow! That worked like magic. It totally helped me calm down. Blood does that for me. Maybe I really am a vampire!
Till next time,
Jodi
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Entry #13
February 26, 2013
Dear Diary,
I have had it! Each and every time Nurmi and Willmott come back from lunch they talk about how delicious it was. Usually Nurmi still has a little food stuck to the corner of his mouth. The aromas from the fried food they eat cause me to loose focus. Today was a disaster. I was so hungry I was actually answering Martinez' questions!
Another complaint I have is my skin care. Back when I used to get jizz facials everyday my skin had an iridescent glow. Also, a little jizz helped my makeup last all day long. This is just not fair. I am a citizen of the United States of America. I have rights! I am having Nurmi draft a letter to the judge demanding that I get 8 oz. of jizz daily. That is the minimum that I need to survive.
I wrote a short letter to my fans today. It is only 57 pages long. The letter is written to my fans at the site called "Jodi Arias is innocent." Okay, even I have to admit, I laughed when I heard what the website is called. I mean, really, don't they know that I, um, confessed? Um, I did it folks. I totally murdered Travis: stab, stab, cut, cut, shoot, blah, blah, blah. It was all me. I'm just glad that there are so many folks with the same definition of "innocent" as me. What a wonderful world we live in.
Anyhoo, the main reason I wrote them a letter is because they need to start sending me more money. The commissary here is really expensive. I have needs. Before I was in jail I never let anyone be my "friend" unless I benefitted from it. Why should it be any different now? These friends, aka, "groupies" better start coughing up the cash. And I mean serious cash. I'm not just some cheap whoredom.
Well, the "migraines" are starting again. I better go rest. I might just skip court altogether tomorrow. That would really piss Martinez off. And my mom too. She had to make this trip out here. Oh well...who cares? Not me.
Till next time,
Jodi
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Entry #12
February 25, 2013
Dear Diary,
I've started making my list of what I want to do as soon as I am acquitted of these bogus "murder" charges. The top of my list is getting my own reality t.v. show. I am having some trouble coming up with a name for my show. I am leaning towards "Smile and Say Cheese!" One of my fellow inmates had the nerve to suggest I name my reality t.v. show "The Biggest Liar" or "The Real Sociopaths of Yreka"...let's just say she better, um, sleep with one eye open. I've got a full bottle of Advil and a disposable razor with her name written all over it.
Martinez must think I am a medical doctor. How in the world am I expected to know when someone is dead? Obviously, the evidence proves that I am not good at judging that. Otherwise I would not have had to stab Travis 27 times, slice his throat, and shoot him in the face. I HAD to do all of this to make sure he was dead. What did he expect me to do? Check for a pulse? Ain't nobody got time for that!
Ryan Burns is full of crap! How dare he say that he touched my vaginal area. My vaginal area may have straddled his chest, but he did not touch it with his hands at all. I tried to get him to, I even adjusted him so that my vaginal area was right where I needed it to be. But the man was a complete amateur. He could not handle my vaginal area!! How dare he lie on the stand about it. This is MY trial. I am the only one allowed to lie. He can go and have his own trial if he wants to lie.
Today when I was on the stand Nurmi whispered a great tip in my ear. He said that if Martinez upsets me, I should picture him in spider man underwear. It was a good idea, but it just didn't calm me down enough. So, I tried picturing Martinez in spiderman underwear...while also lying in a pool of blood. Wow! That worked like magic. It totally helped me calm down. Blood does that for me. Maybe I really am a vampire!
Till next time,
Jodi
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Entry #13
February 26, 2013
Dear Diary,
I have had it! Each and every time Nurmi and Willmott come back from lunch they talk about how delicious it was. Usually Nurmi still has a little food stuck to the corner of his mouth. The aromas from the fried food they eat cause me to loose focus. Today was a disaster. I was so hungry I was actually answering Martinez' questions!
Another complaint I have is my skin care. Back when I used to get jizz facials everyday my skin had an iridescent glow. Also, a little jizz helped my makeup last all day long. This is just not fair. I am a citizen of the United States of America. I have rights! I am having Nurmi draft a letter to the judge demanding that I get 8 oz. of jizz daily. That is the minimum that I need to survive.
I wrote a short letter to my fans today. It is only 57 pages long. The letter is written to my fans at the site called "Jodi Arias is innocent." Okay, even I have to admit, I laughed when I heard what the website is called. I mean, really, don't they know that I, um, confessed? Um, I did it folks. I totally murdered Travis: stab, stab, cut, cut, shoot, blah, blah, blah. It was all me. I'm just glad that there are so many folks with the same definition of "innocent" as me. What a wonderful world we live in.
Anyhoo, the main reason I wrote them a letter is because they need to start sending me more money. The commissary here is really expensive. I have needs. Before I was in jail I never let anyone be my "friend" unless I benefitted from it. Why should it be any different now? These friends, aka, "groupies" better start coughing up the cash. And I mean serious cash. I'm not just some cheap whoredom.
Well, the "migraines" are starting again. I better go rest. I might just skip court altogether tomorrow. That would really piss Martinez off. And my mom too. She had to make this trip out here. Oh well...who cares? Not me.
Till next time,
Jodi
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Entry #14
February 28, 2013
Dear Diary,
Just got off the stand. Nurmi is rattling on and on about who knows what. I am just hoping he doesn't start picking his nose again. What is up with that? I find it very distracting. Oh great...he just played with himself. I hope the cameras didn't catch that. He is such an embarrassment. I wish Rob Lowe could have defended me. I hear he is a really good attorney.
Today I was asked if I would classify murdering Travis as a high point, or a low point in my life. I think I said it best when I said it was a "defining moment in my life." Before this, I was not on any real path, per se. But now, I have a set destination and a goal. I can't predict the future (as I told Martinez numerous times) but if I had to guess, I would say very big and wonderful things are headed my way.
For example, I think I proved today just how talented and skilled I am as an actress. I have no doubt that I will be the star in my own made for t.v. movie. You should have seen the way I threw off my glasses and put my hands up to my face. It was so dramatic and believable. Getting those butt-ugly glasses off was key. I've been planning this for weeks. It is really important that when I am perceived as being my most vulnerable, that I am also at my most beautiful. I played the perfect damsel in distress. Who can resist that?
I will admit that it didn't all go exactly as I planned. I was planning on a huge breakdown where I shook like a chihuahua and screamed at Martinez calling him a "bully, just like Travis!" Then I was going to fake passing out. I was really getting into the role and was just about to go all out when the judge decided to call for lunch. I was like, um, are you kidding me? My second attempt at my big moment was when I was reading the beautiful email I wrote to the dead Travis. I started my version of crying, but Martinez stole the spot light and took it from me by reading the letter himself. What a jerk.
I just cannot wait for this trial to be over and for me to be set free. I am sick of living in a tiny cell that is smaller than a closet. How inhumane is that? It is pure torture. Worse than any person should ever have to suffer. Some day I will show everyone just what I am worth. I will be living in a mansion. My knife and gun storage room will be bigger than most people's living rooms.
I've started working on a list of what I think the jury will ask me when it is their turn for questions. Here is what I have come up with so far:
-Are you currently single?
-When you are set free, will you keep in touch with us?
-Do you hate Martinez as much as we do?
-Why are you so awesome?
-Can we have your autograph?
I am working on responses to all of these questions. I know I will score a touchdown with them. I just love football terminology. Makes me feel like such a cute little tomboy. I bet everyone is wishing I was wearing hot boy shorts and a football jersey. Hmmm, maybe that is what I will wear to my first press conference!
Anyway, I gotta run. The bus is here to take me back to the jail.
Till next time,
Jodi
----
Entry #15
March 4, 2013
Dear Diary,
One word to describe today? Sextifying! Oh how I have missed it. Nurmi is really great about bringing out all of my strong points. I am hoping tomorrow is another hot and steamy day.
I noticed Travis' brother in the front row. He just could not take his eyes off of me! I must be so captivating. I wonder if he is, um, single? Maybe after I am free I can give him a call? He is a real hotti biscotti if I have ever seen one!
Donovan is so obsessed with me. I can't say that I blame her of course. I have this pull on people. I guess it is the "Law of Attraction" at work. I put out positive vibes to the universe and the universe answers! I have more friends and love interests now than I ever have before. Anyhow, back to Donovan. She has promised me that if for some bizarre and unimaginable reason I am not found innocent of murdering Travis, she will break the law as soon as she can so that she can be locked up with me. How great is that? She is willing to throw the rest of her life away for me. Of course, if I am acquitted, as I know I will be, I plan on never seeing that weirdo again. Why would I? She would serve me no purpose. I am not friends with girls anyhow. I know, she is barely a girl, and that is why I let her be my friend at this time. But, when I am free I will have my pick of REAL boys, and I will not need her.
Spoiler alert! Today Nurmi mentioned my new series called, "History of Anal Sex." I have already written volumes 1-16. I still have so much more to write. This is going to be a huge hit. Who wouldn't want to know all about my history of anal sex? Donovan is in charge of promotion and pre-orders. I know my fans will be so excited!
Well, I better go! I am so very excited about tomorrow. I cannot wait to get back up on the stand! It is so much fun!
Till next time,
Jodi
-----
Entry #16
March 5, 2013
Dear Diary,
Well, I am sort of bummed out. My sextifying days are almost over. Court is about to get REALLY boring again. At least I have the juror's questions to look forward to. I am going to stretch my answers out as long as possible. I know they will appreciate it. They have 100 questions, after all! That just goes to show how much they, um, love hearing me talk. I will not disappoint them!
Nurmie almost made me bust out laughing today. He tried to get all loud and tough in order to make me more emotional. I know I should have responded the way he wanted me to, but I just wasn't feeling up to it. I'm feeling a little blah today. Maybe it's the cold sore I have? If it gets any bigger I am going to have to name it. At least it's on my left side so the jury doesn't have to see it. Or is it my right side? I get those confused all the time.
You should have seen Travis' sister's faces when I said that Travis proposed to me. It was so hilarious. I just love seeing them get upset. I cannot stand that they think they are better looking than I am. I was always worried that Travis might think that way too. That is why I always tried to keep them away from him. Anyhow, obviously, Travis never proposed to me. Duh. I wonder if the jury is dumb enough to believe that he did? I bet they are. In general I find that people are really dumb and easily manipulated. I hope I am right. I'm sort of betting my life on it.
Till next time,
Jodi
----
Entry #17
March 7, 2013
Dear Diary,
Well, I must say that these jurors are starting to get on my nerves. I tried to be my usual peppy, happy go lucky self and look on the bright side, but I have just about had it. I'm starting to feel like I want to get stabby again. I wanted to say that today, but Nurmi felt it would be in poor taste. Considering Travis "passed away" from me getting stabby. Whatev.
I mean, really, I don't know why they keep asking me if I have memory problems. Um, I think I proved that my memory is awesome. Don't they remember all the details I gave before? So what if I have memory problems about things that make me look guilty? That is to be expected. It's part of the post traumatic stress I went under when I murdered Travis. It was no ordinary murder. Have they seen the pictures? That was very traumatic for me. I'm the real victim here. I know the domestic violence experts will testify and set them straight. I just have to put up with Fartinez until then. I really wish I could kill him. No, really. I think about it every single night.
Also, do they forget the abuse I suffered while Travis was still alive? That jizz in my eyes really stung. And, being woken up to oral sex was very irritating. I was having a very good dream and Travis completely interrupted it. The straw that broke the camels back was when he was giving me oral sex and he hadn't even shaved yet! He felt like sandpaper on my thighs. Sandpaper!!!! That is abuse NO woman should ever have to be subjected to. Is it any wonder to them that I finally fought back?
I am grateful for the long weekend. I have a lot of work to do on the autobiography I am writing. I think I am going to call it "Mortal Fear." It will be a best seller no doubt. I've only written a little bit so far. Just 2,000 pages. I've only made it to my elementary school years. I better get busy. I'd like to have it done by the time I am set free. I know the jurors will want autographed copies.
Till next time,
Jodi
-----
Lost Diary Post Found:
Entry #8
February 14, 2013
Dear Diary,
Happy Valentine's Day! I was hoping to get a private visit with a special visitor today, but dumb Sheriff Joe wouldn't allow it. Doesn't he know who I am? He should feel thankful that someone as famous as I am is in his crappy jail. I told the guards to let him know that I would grant him a private interview anytime he wanted. Still waiting to hear back from him.
I think my frustrations are really starting to mount. A way I've been coping is by making a hit list. Obviously, on the very top of this list is Fartinez! He annoys me so much. I've been trying to arrange an, um, "accident" for him, but it just hasn't panned out yet. Never send an amateur to do a professional's job.
My first attempt on his life involved poisoned Starbucks coffee. But, he only drinks coffee from Dunkin Donuts. Flores picks it up for him everyday. Go figure. Unfortunately for me, I only have contacts at Starbucks. :(
My next brilliant idea involved a fire. I happen to know a few arson exerts *cough-Donovan-cough*. According to my exerts, Walmart doesn't carry gasoline cans anymore. Riiiight. I told her to borrow some from Daryl, but she is convinced that would backfire.
I have a final plan that is practically foolproof. I heard about this person who put poison in her vajayjay in an attempt to poison someone during oral sex. Talk about a brilliant plan! I wish I would've thought of this a few years ago. The only hangup so far is that my outside contact is having, um, trouble seducing Fartinez. I told her to put on a dress and some lipstick, maybe throw in a thong and a pair of stilettos, but Dona....I mean my "contact" has still not been able to get Fartinez in a vulnerable position yet.
So, looks like it's back to the drawing board for me. Luckily I am a very creative sort of person! If all else fails, I'll just go with the traditional boring ways to murder someone. I really hope it doesn't come to that. I am an artist, after all.
Till next time,
Jodi
P.S.
Call me paranoid, but I've got a really bad feeling my diary may have been tampered with. I think this entry in particular could be construed the wrong way. I think I better be safe and rip these pages out. Let me just say this: if I EVER find out my jail diaries are leaked out, I will have one more person to add to my hit list!!!
----
Entry #19
February 13, 2013
Dear Diary,
First off...135 pounds????? That a-hole actually said I used to weigh 135 pounds. Oh, I was so mad I saw red. If I would have had a knife I would have taken him out right then and there. Sure, I was actually closer to 140 pounds. But, come on? Does he think I am going to admit to that in court? I corrected him right away. I told him I was 120 pounds. Looking back, I wish I would have said something even smaller. But, I was so discombobulated, I could not even think straight.
Also, WTF? Why didn't Nurmi and Willmott tell me that today was green day? There I am, looking like an idiot, wearing blue, while they look all festive in matching leprechaun outfits. They know I have a green shirt too! It was so contemporaneous of them to exclude me like that. It better not happen again.
Anyhoo...I better try to calm down a little bit. I do NOT want my cold sore to come back! I thought it was never going to leave. I used some of the "Law of Attraction" magic to get rid of it. I envisioned other people having massive cold sores all over their bodies. I am such a master at manipulating the "Law of Attraction". I think I will write a book about it. No one understands it better than I do!
I sit here in my cell and I ask myself, "Self, is it really over? Are my sextifying days long gone??" I wish I could go back to the beginning and start all over again. I bet the jury wishes I could too. I know they see me as very auspicious. Who wouldn't? On second thought, maybe it is better that I am off of the stand. I was having a LOT of trouble keeping all of my lies straight. I am perspicacious to a fault, but even I am not perfect. Almost, but not quite. I mean, I am really, really, really, close to being perfect...about as close as any person could be, but I am only human after all.
I have a lot to look forward to. My domestic violence expert witnesses are going to testify soon. That ought to set a lot of things straight. I am so excited about fake crying again! I have had trouble balancing being a victim with being snarky. It's a very fine line. Now I can just go back to playing the victim. I've been working on my chihuahua shake. Apparently I was not obvious enough about it when I was on the stand. Well, they better be ready for an earthquake! I am going to show Arizona what an earthquake from California can really feel like!
Till next time,
Jodi
Entry #14
February 28, 2013
Dear Diary,
Just got off the stand. Nurmi is rattling on and on about who knows what. I am just hoping he doesn't start picking his nose again. What is up with that? I find it very distracting. Oh great...he just played with himself. I hope the cameras didn't catch that. He is such an embarrassment. I wish Rob Lowe could have defended me. I hear he is a really good attorney.
Today I was asked if I would classify murdering Travis as a high point, or a low point in my life. I think I said it best when I said it was a "defining moment in my life." Before this, I was not on any real path, per se. But now, I have a set destination and a goal. I can't predict the future (as I told Martinez numerous times) but if I had to guess, I would say very big and wonderful things are headed my way.
For example, I think I proved today just how talented and skilled I am as an actress. I have no doubt that I will be the star in my own made for t.v. movie. You should have seen the way I threw off my glasses and put my hands up to my face. It was so dramatic and believable. Getting those butt-ugly glasses off was key. I've been planning this for weeks. It is really important that when I am perceived as being my most vulnerable, that I am also at my most beautiful. I played the perfect damsel in distress. Who can resist that?
I will admit that it didn't all go exactly as I planned. I was planning on a huge breakdown where I shook like a chihuahua and screamed at Martinez calling him a "bully, just like Travis!" Then I was going to fake passing out. I was really getting into the role and was just about to go all out when the judge decided to call for lunch. I was like, um, are you kidding me? My second attempt at my big moment was when I was reading the beautiful email I wrote to the dead Travis. I started my version of crying, but Martinez stole the spot light and took it from me by reading the letter himself. What a jerk.
I just cannot wait for this trial to be over and for me to be set free. I am sick of living in a tiny cell that is smaller than a closet. How inhumane is that? It is pure torture. Worse than any person should ever have to suffer. Some day I will show everyone just what I am worth. I will be living in a mansion. My knife and gun storage room will be bigger than most people's living rooms.
I've started working on a list of what I think the jury will ask me when it is their turn for questions. Here is what I have come up with so far:
-Are you currently single?
-When you are set free, will you keep in touch with us?
-Do you hate Martinez as much as we do?
-Why are you so awesome?
-Can we have your autograph?
I am working on responses to all of these questions. I know I will score a touchdown with them. I just love football terminology. Makes me feel like such a cute little tomboy. I bet everyone is wishing I was wearing hot boy shorts and a football jersey. Hmmm, maybe that is what I will wear to my first press conference!
Anyway, I gotta run. The bus is here to take me back to the jail.
Till next time,
Jodi
----
Entry #15
March 4, 2013
Dear Diary,
One word to describe today? Sextifying! Oh how I have missed it. Nurmi is really great about bringing out all of my strong points. I am hoping tomorrow is another hot and steamy day.
I noticed Travis' brother in the front row. He just could not take his eyes off of me! I must be so captivating. I wonder if he is, um, single? Maybe after I am free I can give him a call? He is a real hotti biscotti if I have ever seen one!
Donovan is so obsessed with me. I can't say that I blame her of course. I have this pull on people. I guess it is the "Law of Attraction" at work. I put out positive vibes to the universe and the universe answers! I have more friends and love interests now than I ever have before. Anyhow, back to Donovan. She has promised me that if for some bizarre and unimaginable reason I am not found innocent of murdering Travis, she will break the law as soon as she can so that she can be locked up with me. How great is that? She is willing to throw the rest of her life away for me. Of course, if I am acquitted, as I know I will be, I plan on never seeing that weirdo again. Why would I? She would serve me no purpose. I am not friends with girls anyhow. I know, she is barely a girl, and that is why I let her be my friend at this time. But, when I am free I will have my pick of REAL boys, and I will not need her.
Spoiler alert! Today Nurmi mentioned my new series called, "History of Anal Sex." I have already written volumes 1-16. I still have so much more to write. This is going to be a huge hit. Who wouldn't want to know all about my history of anal sex? Donovan is in charge of promotion and pre-orders. I know my fans will be so excited!
Well, I better go! I am so very excited about tomorrow. I cannot wait to get back up on the stand! It is so much fun!
Till next time,
Jodi
-----
Entry #16
March 5, 2013
Dear Diary,
Well, I am sort of bummed out. My sextifying days are almost over. Court is about to get REALLY boring again. At least I have the juror's questions to look forward to. I am going to stretch my answers out as long as possible. I know they will appreciate it. They have 100 questions, after all! That just goes to show how much they, um, love hearing me talk. I will not disappoint them!
Nurmie almost made me bust out laughing today. He tried to get all loud and tough in order to make me more emotional. I know I should have responded the way he wanted me to, but I just wasn't feeling up to it. I'm feeling a little blah today. Maybe it's the cold sore I have? If it gets any bigger I am going to have to name it. At least it's on my left side so the jury doesn't have to see it. Or is it my right side? I get those confused all the time.
You should have seen Travis' sister's faces when I said that Travis proposed to me. It was so hilarious. I just love seeing them get upset. I cannot stand that they think they are better looking than I am. I was always worried that Travis might think that way too. That is why I always tried to keep them away from him. Anyhow, obviously, Travis never proposed to me. Duh. I wonder if the jury is dumb enough to believe that he did? I bet they are. In general I find that people are really dumb and easily manipulated. I hope I am right. I'm sort of betting my life on it.
Till next time,
Jodi
----
Entry #17
March 7, 2013
Dear Diary,
Well, I must say that these jurors are starting to get on my nerves. I tried to be my usual peppy, happy go lucky self and look on the bright side, but I have just about had it. I'm starting to feel like I want to get stabby again. I wanted to say that today, but Nurmi felt it would be in poor taste. Considering Travis "passed away" from me getting stabby. Whatev.
I mean, really, I don't know why they keep asking me if I have memory problems. Um, I think I proved that my memory is awesome. Don't they remember all the details I gave before? So what if I have memory problems about things that make me look guilty? That is to be expected. It's part of the post traumatic stress I went under when I murdered Travis. It was no ordinary murder. Have they seen the pictures? That was very traumatic for me. I'm the real victim here. I know the domestic violence experts will testify and set them straight. I just have to put up with Fartinez until then. I really wish I could kill him. No, really. I think about it every single night.
Also, do they forget the abuse I suffered while Travis was still alive? That jizz in my eyes really stung. And, being woken up to oral sex was very irritating. I was having a very good dream and Travis completely interrupted it. The straw that broke the camels back was when he was giving me oral sex and he hadn't even shaved yet! He felt like sandpaper on my thighs. Sandpaper!!!! That is abuse NO woman should ever have to be subjected to. Is it any wonder to them that I finally fought back?
I am grateful for the long weekend. I have a lot of work to do on the autobiography I am writing. I think I am going to call it "Mortal Fear." It will be a best seller no doubt. I've only written a little bit so far. Just 2,000 pages. I've only made it to my elementary school years. I better get busy. I'd like to have it done by the time I am set free. I know the jurors will want autographed copies.
Till next time,
Jodi
-----
Lost Diary Post Found:
Entry #8
February 14, 2013
Dear Diary,
Happy Valentine's Day! I was hoping to get a private visit with a special visitor today, but dumb Sheriff Joe wouldn't allow it. Doesn't he know who I am? He should feel thankful that someone as famous as I am is in his crappy jail. I told the guards to let him know that I would grant him a private interview anytime he wanted. Still waiting to hear back from him.
I think my frustrations are really starting to mount. A way I've been coping is by making a hit list. Obviously, on the very top of this list is Fartinez! He annoys me so much. I've been trying to arrange an, um, "accident" for him, but it just hasn't panned out yet. Never send an amateur to do a professional's job.
My first attempt on his life involved poisoned Starbucks coffee. But, he only drinks coffee from Dunkin Donuts. Flores picks it up for him everyday. Go figure. Unfortunately for me, I only have contacts at Starbucks. :(
My next brilliant idea involved a fire. I happen to know a few arson exerts *cough-Donovan-cough*. According to my exerts, Walmart doesn't carry gasoline cans anymore. Riiiight. I told her to borrow some from Daryl, but she is convinced that would backfire.
I have a final plan that is practically foolproof. I heard about this person who put poison in her vajayjay in an attempt to poison someone during oral sex. Talk about a brilliant plan! I wish I would've thought of this a few years ago. The only hangup so far is that my outside contact is having, um, trouble seducing Fartinez. I told her to put on a dress and some lipstick, maybe throw in a thong and a pair of stilettos, but Dona....I mean my "contact" has still not been able to get Fartinez in a vulnerable position yet.
So, looks like it's back to the drawing board for me. Luckily I am a very creative sort of person! If all else fails, I'll just go with the traditional boring ways to murder someone. I really hope it doesn't come to that. I am an artist, after all.
Till next time,
Jodi
P.S.
Call me paranoid, but I've got a really bad feeling my diary may have been tampered with. I think this entry in particular could be construed the wrong way. I think I better be safe and rip these pages out. Let me just say this: if I EVER find out my jail diaries are leaked out, I will have one more person to add to my hit list!!!
----
Entry #19
February 13, 2013
Dear Diary,
First off...135 pounds????? That a-hole actually said I used to weigh 135 pounds. Oh, I was so mad I saw red. If I would have had a knife I would have taken him out right then and there. Sure, I was actually closer to 140 pounds. But, come on? Does he think I am going to admit to that in court? I corrected him right away. I told him I was 120 pounds. Looking back, I wish I would have said something even smaller. But, I was so discombobulated, I could not even think straight.
Also, WTF? Why didn't Nurmi and Willmott tell me that today was green day? There I am, looking like an idiot, wearing blue, while they look all festive in matching leprechaun outfits. They know I have a green shirt too! It was so contemporaneous of them to exclude me like that. It better not happen again.
Anyhoo...I better try to calm down a little bit. I do NOT want my cold sore to come back! I thought it was never going to leave. I used some of the "Law of Attraction" magic to get rid of it. I envisioned other people having massive cold sores all over their bodies. I am such a master at manipulating the "Law of Attraction". I think I will write a book about it. No one understands it better than I do!
I sit here in my cell and I ask myself, "Self, is it really over? Are my sextifying days long gone??" I wish I could go back to the beginning and start all over again. I bet the jury wishes I could too. I know they see me as very auspicious. Who wouldn't? On second thought, maybe it is better that I am off of the stand. I was having a LOT of trouble keeping all of my lies straight. I am perspicacious to a fault, but even I am not perfect. Almost, but not quite. I mean, I am really, really, really, close to being perfect...about as close as any person could be, but I am only human after all.
I have a lot to look forward to. My domestic violence expert witnesses are going to testify soon. That ought to set a lot of things straight. I am so excited about fake crying again! I have had trouble balancing being a victim with being snarky. It's a very fine line. Now I can just go back to playing the victim. I've been working on my chihuahua shake. Apparently I was not obvious enough about it when I was on the stand. Well, they better be ready for an earthquake! I am going to show Arizona what an earthquake from California can really feel like!
Till next time,
Jodi
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Entry #20
March 14, 2013
Dear Diary,
Um, I don't know if I would call this the "best day ever", but it is pretty close. It is about freaking time some attention was given to what I have been through. The stress I am suffering daily is almost unimaginable. The things I am going through are absolutely egregious. I sometimes have trouble falling asleep at night. I suggested to Nurmi that we video tape me sleeping. It would be a great exhibit for the jury to really get a feel for the pain that I am suffering. An added bonus would be that I always sleep in the nude. It would be great for the jury to get to see me naked more! Especially since I have lost so much weight here in jail. My body is pretty exquisite.
My expert witness did an excellent job explaining my nebulous memory. Thanks to the good Dr. the jury will NEVER know that I am faking my memory loss. I knew the first time I talked to the Dr and he and Nurmi coached me on what my defense would be that it would be absolutely tenable. Nurmi was concerned that I devacillated too much, but I knew that we could just blame it all on PTSD and I would get a free pass. The Dr. said that he read all my diaries, but he only mentioned reading about 2,000 pages. He must not have read all of the portions I ripped out. My real diary pages number in the tens of thousands. I cannot help it. I just love talking about myself. I find that my advanced vocabulary really comes in handy too.
I admit, I am not a patriotic person, but I certainly felt like a patriot when I was being compared to war heroes and police officers! I am fighting a war of my own. So, I guess it all fits. And, if you think about it, soldiers and police officers sign up for that sort of stuff. They deserve any PTSD they get. I don't deserve any of the negative affects I have suffered since murdering Travis. I didn't sign up to defend our country or protect people. But, here I am, facing fake PTSD after murdering someone. Life is just so unfair. I am just very thankful for an American justice system that allows people like me to say anything at all in order to get off the hook. Guess I am a little patriotic after all.
Till next time,
Jodi
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Entry #21
March 18, 2013
Dear Diary,
Um, what just happened? Like, really. What. Just. Happened? My dumb expert witness, Doctor Dildo, just got owned by Fartinez. I cannot believe it. I am just in shock. Really, I think I may be having another outbreak of PTSD, only for real this time! That could not have gone any worse. My own expert witness said I "lied". How is THAT going to help me? Does he think we are paying him to call me a liar. I thought I had him wrapped around my finger. But, Fartinez starts in on him and he is all, "duh, duh, duh." And to think, I flirted with him NON stop for about 30 hours. Gross. I guess it was all a HUGE waste of my time. This joker is just one more impediment that I do not need.
And Fartinez got so bent out of shape because he sent me a book? I didn't even read it! It was a stupid "self help" book. Um, I don't really need any self help books, thank you very much. I need a friggen witness who doesn't call me a liar and make me look like an idiot. He better do better tomorrow or I will make him "Doctor Dildo WITHOUT a heartbeat."
On a positive note...Donovan was back in court today. She's been on vacation with a "gal pal" of hers. I kept turning around and laughing at her. She was doing these hilarious imitations of Fartinez. Who says court can't be fun? Just look at my mom and aunt. They are having a blast. I snuck a peak at Travis' family today. Talk about a snooze fest. I don't want to de-edify them, but seriously, they need to lighten up a bit. I bet the jury is not impressed either. At least my side knows how to have some fun and live a little!
Well, I would write more, but I think I better get busy on my artwork. I am hoping that my new line of portraits will be especially remunerative. I am doing a series entitled "The Jurors." Everyone is going to be enthralled with these.
Till next time,
Jodi
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Entry #22
March 18, 2013
Dear Diary,
I am sitting here in court listening to my life be taken away by some bumbling fool who can't keep the simplest of my lies straight. How hard is it? I told Doctor Dildo the same lie like a hundred times. Most of the story is me being in a fog. He only has to remember like, four things. Jennifer is trying to lead him, but honestly, I think this clown needs cue cards or something. I cannot believe he is getting paid $250 per hour. My testimony was 100 times better than his. He is supposed to be the the "trial expert"? If Doctor Dildo gets $250 an hour for that crap fest then I think I should be paid for my testimony. My rate should be at least $300 per hour. I will have to make sure I discuss this with Nurmi immediately.
I am feeling a Martinez Migraine coming on. I wonder if I should faint or something? I'm trying to go into my trance. It is very disassociative of me. I zone out and look kind of like a zombie. In my head I am traveling a million miles away to my happy place. In my happy place there are mirrors everywhere, so I can see how beautiful I am at all times. There are 24 hour Applebee's and Starbucks on every corner. And there are tons of admirers who adore me without ceasing...and we have buttsecks. Lots and lots of buttsecks.
Oh crap, what was that? Something just brought me out of my happy place. Of course, it was Fartinez, objecting again. Ugh. I wish he would die already. Hmmmm, I wonder if I have time for a hidden message to the gallery? I am communicating with a certain someone who shall not be named. Let's just say that I have a plan B if things don't go the way I want them to.
I have come up with a wonderful way of stealing paper from the courthouse. I am really sneaky about it. I take a piece of paper, surreptitiously fold it up and stick it under my thigh. Next I maneuver myself and the paper until the paper is in the back of my pants. Then I do a little wiggle and the paper falls right into my butt hole. When I get back to the jail, I've got several (mostly clean) sheets of paper to draw on. It is such a high to steal paper right there in front of the sheriff deputy and the judge. I just love being deceitful.
Speaking of deceitful...I will give it to Doctor Dildo. He pulled a really good one on Fartinez today. When his back was turned he was writing in his notebook all the things he was supposed to already have in there. He did it in the nick of time too. It was only a few moments later that the notebook was admitted into evidence officially.
Oh, what's this? Looks like court is over today. Be back in a few.
I have a little secret I am dying to share. I have a new LOVE interest in my life. I can't say too much, but I will tell you she is a latina lover that is almost as gorgeous as I am. Today was really erotic. We kept exchanging glances throughout the day. And at the end, we engaged in some whispering...but this was no "vanilla" whispering, it was "sex whispering"! Just thinking about it I get all flushed again. She was bent down really low and I kept putting my cleavage in her face. We got a little carried away and were really close to kissing. At one point, I put my tongue in her ear. No one could tell what was going on! It was so hot. I can hardly wait to get off of this bus and get back to the privacy of my jail cell where I can pleasure myself with both hands. I hope I don't yelp out loud like I did last night. I just get really carried away sometimes. I'm so cute like that! Looks like we are here! Gotta run!
Till next time,
Jodi
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Entry #23
March 20, 2013
Dear Diary,
Today was an exceptionally short day. I must admit, I am VERY glad about that. I've got a little bit of an embarrassing problem. How do I put this delicately...my butt itches. A lot. I don't know if I have worms or if I contracted some kind of an infection. It makes me very uncomfortable and I end up squirming and wiggling in my chair when I have to sit for long periods of time. I can only guess as to what caused this butt infestation/infection. It may be because I have not been able to adequately sanitize my butt pleasuring toys. We are not allowed hand sanitizer in jail, so it is really hard to get things clean. Thanks a lot Sheriff Joe. This is all his fault.
I am feeling a bit like MacGyver at the moment. We planned an very intricate scenario today in court that I must say, was a complete hit. Or should I say 'splash'? You see, we were all in a complete panic when we saw that the jury had over a hundred questions for Doctor Dildo. This guy is not the sharpest knife in the purse. There was NO way Jennifer was going to be able to adequately coach him on how to answer all those questions. We needed time, and we needed lots of it. So, I had this great idea. How about we cause a distraction by having someone murdered in the gallery? For whatever reason they were not on board with that. Nurmi did think I was onto something. So, we decided to have someone throw up. The question then became how do we cause someone to throw up? I suggested punching someone in the stomach over and over again. Of course Nurmi, Mr. Know It All, said that was not exactly doable. So then I suggested a fool proof plan to get someone to throw up. I had my trusty lap dog Donovan help us out. All she had to do was flash a random person and WHAM! Puke everywhere!!! And let me tell you, it was everywhere. This person threw up so much it covered a good section of the gallery. Well done, Donovan, well done.
Well, I am afraid I'm going to have to cut this short. My butt is on fire. And not in a good way. I think I may need to make another trip to the infirmary. At least I am guaranteed some butt action when they exam me!! Typical Jodi...I'm always looking at the bright side!
Till next time,
Jodi
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Entry #24
March 21, 2013
Dear Diary,
First off...I wonder if the juror notices how small and weak and innocent I look sitting in a chair that is lowered a good 5 inches. I bet they are completely fooled by it. People are so dumb. I keep trying to think of other things I can do that will gain me more sympathy with the jury. My best idea involves pretending that I am pregnant. I mean think about it...no jury is going to sentence a baby to death row. So, I will just pretend to be pregnant and after they jury acquits me I will pull out a big wad of toilet paper that is supposed to be my baby and say, "gotcha, suckers!" It would be so hilarious. Nurmi and Jennifer are not on board yet, but if Doctor Dildo keeps screwing up like he did today, they may change their mind.
Speaking of Doctor Dildo...I cannot believe he is actually trying to get anyone to believe that I ever had low self esteem. We all know everyone has seen my rocking body...ALL of my rocking body. No one would believe that someone who has unique features like I have could possibly have low self esteem. Puh-leeze. I also get a little pissed when he says I am not assertive. Hmmm, maybe I will just flip you off! How do you like that? Is that 'assertive' enough for you?
Speaking of people I want dead...I wish every single person on Travis' side of the court room would be swallowed in a big crater the size of my booty hole! I can't stand them sitting over acting all sad and trying to steal attention away from me. And seriously, what is up with those ribbons they keep wearing? I cannot believe they are trying to make this trial about Travis. Shame on them. I complained and they had to remove most of them. I guess his family is still wearing them. I'll just keep complaining until I get my way. We will see who is 'assertive' then.
Nurmi and Jennifer are lucky they have me for a client. I am really teaching them a lot about trials and about the law. I am constantly taking notes. I am so helpful. I always share my valuable insight with them. I know they are thanking their lucky stars they have such a brilliant client.
Oh, did I mention the connection I have with one of the jurors. It is freaking amazing. We are connecting in ways I never even knew were possible. I guess you could call it 'telepathic sex'. The things we do together would make even me blush if I had to repeat them. I just know this juror is on my side. I'm sure many others are too. But, if nothing else, I have my 'one', and that is all that matters. So, suck on that Fartinez!
If I find out who the smart ass is on the jury, I will kill them. No, really. I will absolutely commit murder again. Asking if someone can get global transient amnesia because of a 'bad haircut'??? I just know that question was referring to my bangs. Oh, how I HATE these bangs. I cannot believe I let Jennifer convince me that getting bangs like hers would be a good idea. I mean, seriously!! Have you seen her hair? I actually took advice from someone who has hair that looks like that? What was I thinking? If there is one thing I regret in my life it has got to be the bangs. I can live with and be proud of everything else I have ever done, but not this hair cut. I felt humiliated when the juror asked that question. No worry. I will get my revenge someday.
Well, I feel like I have been a tiny bit negative in this diary entry. That makes me sad face. I will try to think of something positive to write, in keeping with the Law of Attraction. Oh! My boobs looked so good today! I could feel all eyes in the courtroom on them today! I just love my boobs. Best $300 I ever spent! Another positive thing is that I was wearing my second favorite color today: red! It is such a fun and vibrant and lively color. It reminds me of some of the most memorable times in my life. It's basically a very happy color for me. My first favorite color is brown. For obvious reasons.
Well, I better go now. I can't wait to tell all the girls about everything that happened in court today. They just love hearing me talk. I love hearing me talk!! I can't help it. My voice is just so lovely.
Till next time,
Jodi
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(Sorry it has been a while since I've been able to get ahold of one of Jodi's diary entries. Enjoy!
)Entry #25
April 8, 2013
Dear Diary,
So, it's April and I'm still stuck in this awful jail. I cannot believe it. Nurmi practically guaranteed that I would be out of here by April. This trial had better get wrapped up soon. I need to get back to California in time for swimsuit season. I've been working on my figure and trying to get into shape. The extra protein bars I've been able to swindle have been a huge benefit. I have never looked so good! However, I am a little concerned over my lack of a tan. So, the sooner I can get in the sun, the better. I know that when I am acquitted I will be on every news channel and on every magazine cover. I want to make sure I look my best. I know Travis would want that for me too. He always said I was so beautiful. So, really, I will be honoring him when I am released and become rich and famous, not that he really deserves to be honored. But, I'm such a good person, I just can't help myself.
It has been so much fun to listen to Alyce talk about how abused I was. I really love the way she talks about everything as if she was there. It makes all of my lies seem so much more believable. I cannot believe that is allowed, but hey, I'm not complaining. It benefits me, so, yay!!! It was so hilarious when Alyce was putting "Mr. Martinez" in his place. She is killing it! She had the entire courtroom in tears, we were all laughing so hard! She told me that every time she calls him "Mr. Martinez" she is really saying "eff you!" I love it! I can tell the jury thinks she is owning him.
Speaking of the jury...one down, five more to go. I was laughing my skinny butt off when juror number five was kicked to the curb. She was crying and bawling in the judges chambers. I loved every moment of it! That will teach her to not smile at me and show me that she is not believing me. I hope the other jurors who have been giving me the same vibe are feeling threatened. I will do away with them as well. I have a few tricks up my sleeve. A certain someone is at my beck and call to assist me if needed.
Well, court is getting ready to start. I can't wait to see what Alyce does today. No doubt she will totally destroy "Mr. Martinez"...it's going to be epic!! Go Team Jodi!
Till next time,
Jodi
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Entry #26
April 18, 2013
Dear Diary,
I'm so sorry I've been neglecting you. I have been so busy writing my autobiography. Not to mention my manifesto! I have so much I need to get down on paper. I use most of my court time to write and write and write. It helps me deal with my anger and stress issues too. When I write about my life it helps me remember how awesome I am for surviving so much abuse and pain. I mean really, when you think about all I've been through, it's amazing I only murdered one person. I could easily have murdered at least 20 people. And that is only counting the people who make me angry. It does not count all the people of whom I am jealous or just annoy me. Geez....the state of Arizona should be giving me a medal!
I had to cancel court yesterday. I just couldn't go on another minute. My greasy hair is giving me headaches. I blame Willmott. She said I should not wash it so that I will look more homely. But now the grease is causing me major migraines. I just don't know what to do. I really hate that Willmott wants me to look so ugly in the first place. I agreed to the ugly clothes and glasses. I even agreed to the awful bangs. But, why does she insist on my hair being dirty? I think she just wants me to look more like her. She is so ugly that I have to really work at it. It's not easy to make someone as gorgeous as me look gross. And old. Willmott looks really, really old.
Not showering is causing other hygienic issues as well. It is my 'time of the month' and lets just say things are starting to get a little ripe. Nurmi is refusing to acknowledge me because of it. He says he can't handle the smell, but I think he is really afraid of me. He should be. If he doesn't get me acquitted I will make sure and take care of him. Whatev. He stinks too. He smells like a dirty cat box. Well, the guy has like 14 cats, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I hate cats. I wish they were all dead.
So...it seems I am becoming even more popular now that my Twitter account finally became public knowledge. I've had it for months and it was starting to upset me that no one knew about it. Finally I am getting the attention I deserve. Since my Twitter has been such a huge success I've given out my Facebook password (skank69) as well so that it could be updated. I am so happy that I am finally getting the following I have always known I deserve. It has been 'Travis this and Travis that' for far too long. This is all about me and now everyone knows it! Yay me!!! I wish I could do something for myself to show how much I appreciate myself. I guess all I can do is keep being the beautiful and powerful person I am. Oh, and lots of masturbation. With two hands of course.
So, MISS DeMarte thinks I am borderline, does she? What I wouldn't give to get her alone in a bathroom shower stall. She wants to analyze me? How about how she tries to look just like me? It is obvious that she is obsessed with me. What does that say about her? I knew the minute I saw her that she would be no use to me. I have a very intuitive sense about who I can use and manipulate. She is worthless as far as that is concerned, therefore she is a worthless life.
Well, all this negative talk has caused my fake migraine to come back. I guess that's what I get for not sticking to the premises of The Law of Attraction. So...I will now try to correct that. Jodi is awesome. Jodi will have fame and fortune. Jodi will be found innocent. Jodi will have everyone worship her.
I'm feeling better already.
Till next time,
Jodi
Fantastic!!
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